Today smells like Hinoki wood oil and wool and frost.

[flamingsword]

I need to find someone else who is a slow writer to be an accountability buddy and keep me on track for a WIP, but I am not sure who to even ask about that, since everyone else I know who writes go on the long tears of writing and doesn’t write like, 200 words a week.

And I ache right now, so I’m not going to do much about that tonight.

Comments

[ex_flameandsong751]

I mean, 200 words a week is still SOMETHING. If you want me to wave pom-poms at you I will? [But I also understand if that doesn't work for you.]

I wrote a book, sorry

[flamingsword]

I have feels and they’re thorny and problematic? So I’m going to talk around this problem and see if I can figure out why I feel like that wouldn’t work, so that I can see what would.

Just because I have no shame doesn’t mean I’m not insecure about some stuff, you know? Shame can cause insecurity, but it’s not the only source. One of the sources is comparing yourself to others, or feeling like others could compare you and find you less - less worthy of respect, or less worthy of time and affection. And I am used to “proving my worth” and hustling for it by being “the Smart guy™️”, but when something that rubs the wrong way against that comes up, I get as dumb as anyone else about my value in a group or to a person.

Having you, who effectively and seemingly effortlessly outclasses me in this arena, help me do the littlest thing would be like … you taking on a mentor/mentee relationship with, I dunno … the ghost of Terry Pratchett or something. It would be hard to even hear you over the dull background roar of my own insecurity and feelings of unworthiness. I know that a lot of that is probably projection, and that most people don’t care. But I still have this anxiety.

What if you figure out that I’m not that smart? What if I have brain fog or something the rest of this winter and am thick as a brick while you’re trying to help me drag a short story and some porn out of my id? What if it makes you realize that I’m not actually as cool/smart/got my shit together/etc. as I like to make people think I am? What if my failure at being the lest but impressive means you/ other people stop listening to me?

And the worst thing about those fears is that I can’t even dismiss them as being groundless. I’ve had people ditch me for being less than what they expected before. A couple of them were even pretty close to me. 😕

I think I need someone who has similar levels of difficulty but different kinds of troubles with writing, like how my friends and I could help each other with homework, but our parents were either useless at a subject or so good at it that they made us feel useless.

A lot of that’s just me projecting my judginess on other people, though. So I guess that needs to get worked on separately.

Re: I wrote a book, sorry

[ex_flameandsong751]

I understand your insecurities, but I'm not judgy about that sort of thing, if all you can do in a week is 200 words or even 100 words, that's still something! If you can't write at all one week, that happens too! I'm not gonna push it on you because again... I get what having that kind of insecurity is like and I don't think trying to push you past your comfort zones would be helpful here, but I just wanted to give you some reassurance that is actually not something I get judgy about. Especially if you write slower due to brain fog, low spoons, etc. I'm not one of those "I have low spoons and I can still do X Y and Z, why can't you?" but I know from my own experience people CAN be like that so it's an understandable fear. -hugs-

[semperviridis]

I’m slooooooowllly writing a fic in Verhalen’s multiverse that I will post eventually. Historical magical realism AU, with cracky moments. So it’s historical and hysterical, in turns?

Anyway, I’m proud of myself ATM if I manage 50 words a week.

[flamingsword]

🤔 You want to cheerlead each other?

I am about to read the rest of Jon’s story set in Ancient Rome, so I will hopefully have some insight into the characters, if not the background and world building parts of the universe, but I will at least know what you’re talking about if you want to talk about it?

[semperviridis]

Sure, that would be great!

I don’t know if you’re in to hard rock / “hair” metal like Verhalen and I are, but the fic I’m very gradually working on is a prequel to Silmarella - although it will have serious subject matter (as well as one of Maglor’s cousins as a hippie in a nudist colony).

But I’m currently stuck in Germany in 1840, and haven’t found just the right tone for the part that I’m writing.

What are you working on?

[flamingsword]

I want to write a Star Wars thing where Senator Amidala talks to Obi-Wan and then spanks the Dark Side out of Anikin. It’s not even necessarily going to be the sexy kind of spanking. She was Queen of Naboo when she was still a teenager, now she’s 10 years older, has been a senator for 5 years, and displays all of the agency … until George Lucas needs her to be helpless to make his tragedy happen, because he can’t stand to come up with a better idea than to make her carry the Idiot Ball?

No. I don’t think so. Not on this ficcer’s watch. I want to write her having agency up to and including taking her husband in hand and giving him the emotional release he needs to let go of the Dark and screw his head back on straight.

[semperviridis]

I love this idea, and I completely agree! Padme turned into way too much of a pushover.

[annathecrow]

Hi, yes, I'm totally here for every fix-it where Padmé gets to save the day instead of the... ~everything~ that was Revenge of the Sith.

...I mean, I can kind of see where Lucas was going, with the inevitability of the tragic end kind of thing? It's just that in the span of one movie that also needs to include all those lightsaber duels, there isn't enough space to tell that story without someone ending up looking useless, and unfortunately Padmé is the main victim of that.

ANYWAY. Ahem. I have Prequel feelings.

That tangent aside, are you still looking for an accountability buddy? I'm currently struggling through a longfic and it's pretty demoralizing, and I think I could use someone to suffer together with. I guess I probably average a bit more than 200 words a week, but it might not be much more than that, ouch.

[flamingsword]

I remember 80’s hair metal, but was only into the stuff I could understand the lyrics to, which wasn’t a very big subset. But I can look up some examples if you want to name a few?

[semperviridis]

Well … the first chapter of Silmarella features the song “Shake Me” by the band Cinderella, and Verhalen’s squad have replaced the members of the band to become Silmarella.

The second chapter appropriated the song “Shoot From the Hip” by the band WASP.

And Verhalen has a running joke about Maglor being a KISS fan.

I mean, I could go on more, but I don’t want to torture you. 😆

[ex_flameandsong751]

I am about to read the rest of Jon’s story set in Ancient Rome, so I will hopefully have some insight into the characters

Oh damn I should have warned you the story is Porn Without Plot, if you're looking for more insight into my characters there are probably better stories to start with. semperviridis might be able to give you some recs, or I could come up with a list.

Not saying "don't read it", just saying the story isn't going to give you more insight than "Maglor has a fabulous ass".

[flamingsword]

I already knew Maglor had a fabulous ass, I’m pretty sure that’s one of your icons. 😜

I will still finish reading the PWP, but maybe also read something else in your universe.

[semperviridis]

semperviridis might be able to give you some recs

“Hell Freezes Over” is a nice, quick snapshot of the guys’ personalities. Mostly Sören and Nicholas, but Anthony and Maglor are there, too.

I love the longfics, because I like the character-driven storylines, but that takes quite a time commitment.

[ex_flameandsong751]

I am also proud of you if you manage 50 words a week! You did a thing!

[Writing is really much, much harder than I make it look.]

[semperviridis]

Between Real Life, the art pieces, and brain fog, I feel like these guys (see meth head icon) when I’ve tried to write recently - but I’m glad you liked the little bit that that you’ve seen!

You have NO IDEA how proud I was of myself, pulling fabulous descriptions of my own greatness (ha!) out of my ass when I had to write my annual self-review for work this past week. But that appears to have taken up my bandwidth for writing, the past few days. 🤣

[ex_flameandsong751]

fabulous descriptions of my own greatness (ha!) out of my ass

The reply I want to make to this is not the reply I can make in public. 😇

[we_are_spc]

Ha...like what? Like, it's taking me forever to write my shit on AO3, so...

-T~

[flamingsword]

Yeah, that’s true. I guess my brain is doing the “disqualification” thing since you and others like Merlin seem to be online here less than once a week.

Sorry, my brain is a bit wack at the moment. I woke up at 3 AM in time to have a migraine, and now I’m just… having a migraine hangover during a bad body day. I am probably going to whine a lot today, just so you know.

[we_are_spc]

Yeah, well, i kinda am in the middle of a "I mentally/physically feel likd shit" and executive dysfunction period, and while I'm trying to pull myself out of it, it's not working so well.

Hell I felt so much like shit yesterday (Headache+sinus pressure+bathroom iss8ues) that we didn't go to work yesterday.

It doesn't help that I don't have much ready-made "I can just slap it in the microwave" food in the house, and I very much need to eat. :( >.>

I'm trying not to use this space to whine too much, but dammit, I'm stuck in this loop of needing familiar voices, even if it's new content with them.

I've been snapping up a headmate's canon almost as fast as I can reasonably afford, and almost as quickly as I finish a novel of theirs, and it's woring them and Craimar and Kaelaren...and I don't know how to make it any different or any better for anyone involved just now. *sighs*

Just...blurg, y'know?

-T~

[flamingsword]

Hey my journal is a great place to complain! Step right up and process your feelings and thoughts here!

I’m sorry that it is your turn to carry the executive dysfunction ball. That is always a shitty time. I hope someone else can help out with the execution of tasks and chores.

*hugs*

[chemicalcain]

Oh, I'm lucky if I write 200 words a month... I sometimes manage 200 words a day if I'm on a kick, but... yeah.

[flamingsword]

flameandsong is going to do a comm for this called you_did_the_thing iirc? And we might all meet up over there for cheerleading each other and maybe progress check-ins, if people want to.

[silk_dragon_zen]

We have zillions of little tasks some of which are pretty important, so we'd be happy to be part of a community encouraging and being encouraged by others for getting one more thing per week done.

— Sage

[flamingsword]

Right now it’s mostly people doing fic & fanart, but crafty people are explicitly welcome also: https://you-did-the-thing.dreamwidth.org/profile