6 month journal review

[flamingsword]

I have started a sweater and read the last several months of my journal today, and a few things stand out to me.

I know where the being friend-dumped trauma comes from, but without better living through chemistry I’m still not sure what to do about it, and so have done nothing, which is unacceptable. I need to look up psychotherapy trauma trigger removal and see if there’s any progress made in the last ten years that I won’t have heard about.

I need to start drafting the next installments of the CBT therapy posts, the Sea of Doubt posts, and the Social Cohesion Among Geeks essay.

& I still have not called the damn dentist. Who I have needed to call since this April. Brain, why.

I am thinking of doing Snowflake again in January, and looking forward to the hygge vibes it inspires in the darkest part of the year. But for now, I’m going to just focus on trying to do more morning pages and try to remember to lock the posts, which I am apparently bad about forgetting.

Comments

[ex_flameandsong751]

I have friend dump trauma HARDCORE which is one of the reasons why I'm reserved/skittish about adding new people. In fact, it's also why I don't do Snowflake anymore (despite me enjoying winter and hygge vibes) - I've had people add me on friending memes like Snowflake because I look cool/interesting and promptly never interact with me again. That's not the cause of my friend dump trauma (I don't want to elaborate on specific scenarios here for various reasons), I didn't get close enough to them, but it does trigger and rip open the wounds from the trauma where I did lose close friends, and makes me wonder WTF is wrong with me and if I just give off weirdo vibes or something.

All this is to say, I don't think friend dump trauma gets discussed often enough but it is IMO on par with the intensity of a romantic breakup (if not worse), especially for those of us who fall on the ace/aro spectrum *waves hand* so friendships are kind of all we've got sometimes.

So yeah if you find anything interesting in your research I am down for reading it.

LOL god "brain, why" re: procrastinating is A MOOD.

“Bodies, ugh” and “brain, why” are the two moods of the day

[flamingsword]

I definitely give off weirdo vibes, and used to not know how to interact with humans in their native forms of communication. So the old friend-dumpings, I know what the dumping was about, even if they often ghosted me and never told me the specifics. But the current friend dumping was more about someone who has been in my social space for seven years, and apparently still didn’t see me / know me? Believed her own projections about me instead of asking me about stuff? Or asking any of our mutual friends, even? IDK. She can keep her closure to her dumping-ass self.

I want there to be an easy way to make my brain not be so reactive when I feel judged harshly, but I don’t know what the tactics and steps to healing for this are. Do I write cathartic letters to all of the people who dumped me? Bc that’s a lot of people and I don’t even remember all of them. My memory is not great Bc of the PTSD from my adolescence, and I got friend-dumped pretty regularly between 4 and maybe 25? But none of that gives me any real insight into how to fix this current mess in my head.

I will be spending tomorrow doing research since I dislocated my collarbone earlier this evening and shouldn’t do crafting for a while.