how I talk to myself

[flamingsword]

There are a lot of me in my head, all of the different pieces that make up the larger Heidi network, and they comminucate with each other. Some of them talk in words, and some in pictures, and some in sensory feelings, and some in emotional feelings, and some in triggered memory comparisons. There may be other ways that they talk but I should probably start to keep track of who talks in which language before I am going to be able to figure out more nuances of this.

Fixing Mechanical Things!Heidi talks in visual/spatial language and animated .gif segments to show working parts.

Linguistic!Heidi, Hyper-rational!Heidi, and Careful Negotiator!Heidi all talk verbally; Pun!Heidi, Analyzing!Heidi and Literate!Heidi mostly talk in printed words.

Feelings! Heidi talks in body-feelings and emotion-feelings (which are similar to body-feelings?). Hard to describe. Decision!Heidi talks in body-feelings and proportions.

Math!Heidi talks in proportions, visual/spatial, and body-feelings.

In other news, I stayed home today because I got maybe 3 1/2 hrs of bad sleep and I feel alternately fragile and then hate everything, then like feelings are not a thing that exists, and then drifty and in pain and and clumsy. It's like being in high school all over again.

Comments

[ot_atma]

For the sake of discussion and clarity and stuff, please provide definitions or descriptions of the following terms used above:

• visual/spatial language
  
• verbal talking
  
• printed words talking
  
• body-feelings
  
• emotion-feelings
  
• proportions
  

also, purely for my own sick curiosity, I would ask of you the language(s) used by the Berserk!Heidi.

[flamingsword]

I will have to show you the Temple Grandin movie to give you the best visual/spatial language definition. Instead of thinking in words, some parts of people's brains think in pictures. Some people's brains ONLY think in pictures.

Verbal talking is out-loud vocal type words that I hear as voices in my head, usually my voice, but not always. And printed language spans the gap between thinking in words and thinking in pictures. Have you seen the BBC Sherlock? He thinks in type a lot. I don't think the show's creators realized how autistic-looking they made that character.

How do you experience your emotions? Do you feel them in your body, or just as moods that influence your thoughts? Because I feel them both ways. Sadness feels heavy and chest-constricting but in my thoughts it feels like my thoughts are actually quieter and muffled, joy feels tingly and my skin is all effervescent like a shaken soda while inside my head joy is like spiky thoughts that jump around and get intermittently louder and jangly.

Proportions ... I don't know if I can words this one, but you've read Dune, right? You know the quisatz haderach sense of the future? I have one of those, too, and it senses probability and the proportions that those probabilities come in as sort of like ... weight? a sense of being pulled?

And there are parts of me that may not have a language at all. It has been almost twenty years since the last time I let that part of my head out of its box. I am afraid of it more than a little. All that I remember of being inside that headspace is that details that were pertinent to attack or avoid would become sharper and loom larger in my attention, so possibly some form of visual thinking?