I have the brain damage, so some of the non-neurotypical probably stems from there, and I was taught how to act like a person throughout my late teens and twenties so mostly you can't tell there's anything terribly odd about me.
But I'd never had everything laid out for me along with my own tendencies like it is on the long form of the results. And it's sort of really accurate. As in, kinda creepy in places.
*diagnosed Aspie* I'm totally willing to answer any questions. Or Sam is very good about this stuff.
The other thing is that AS manifests very differently in males and females. Females with AS do tend to socialise; I subscribe to the theory that this is because societal pressure on females to conform to a certain type is stronger, and so girls are less likely to be allowed to remain aloof from social groups. There is also anecdotal evidence (including my own) that in some circumstances groups of neurotypical girls will "adopt" an AS girl and teach her how to behave in a more neurotypical fashion, which would not generally happen with boys.
I read Women From Another Planet (http://www.amazon.com/Women-Another-Planet-Universe-Autism/dp/1410734315) shortly after I was diagnosed and I kept crying as I read it because I felt like I wasn't inexplicably broken any more, and like I finally had a reason for all of the times when I did the wrong thing without meaning to. I'm not saying you are autistic spectrum, but I know a lot of people who have "tendencies" without actually crossing the point where it might warrant a diagnosis, and it's never any harm to understand a bit more about yourself.
That is exactly what happened, actually several times. I was adopted by Jill in junior high, by Tina in high school, and by Jenn for senior year and my early twenties. I was taught to interact with others explicitly because I had no implicit understanding of how socializing worked. It's part of why I'm crushing on Dr. Reid from Criminal Minds and Parker from Leverage right now. I strongly identify with both.
If I had taken this back in junior high or high school and learned that I wasn't just inexplicably weird, I think I would have cried, too.
now I have questions for my old therapist who managed to miss this. Was he trying to prevent me from blaming my problems on a condition? Did he think I wouldn't invest in learning how to like people ... okay, yeah, that's totally fair. I think maybe I prefer having not known. In light of how the system works, a diagnosis would have gotten me put back in the special classes where I would have been bored out of my mind and continued finding illegal things to do to entertain myself. That would not have ended well.
Yup, Zach from Bones (and to a lesser extent Bones herself) are also AS.
I don't know whether your therapist did it on purpose or not, but do bear in mind that Aspergers was only recognised as a condition in 1994 (which is why so many people our age missed being diagnosed - I was 20 and I only got a diagnosis by luck) and unless he was a specialist in AS, he would be even less likely to recognize the female manifestation of the condition. It's diagnosed in three times as many males as females; there is probably a higher incidence in males, but it is likely also due to underdiagnosis.
Also, if he had managed to diagnose you, putting you in the special class would have been the worst thing he could have done (and I hope he would have known that). AS is a spectrum; yes, some people on there need to be in a special needs class, but plenty of us only need to have some leeway given in our behaviour. It's a developmental condition. It doesn't mean that there's anything you can't do, just that you take extra-long to figure out how to do it - how to interpret cues and so forth. Living in as close to "normal" an environment as possible, with a few trusted people to give you advice when you go wrong, is the best way for aspies to be, IMO. You're also likely to have some other related conditions, such as dyslexia or hyperlexia, echolalia, hypersensitivity...the wikipedia article used to be a lot better, but someone cut out a whole pile of stuff. Still, it's not a bad starting point. ♥
Freshman year would have been 1993 and early 1994, and Ron Lambert was a psychologist and therapist rather than a clinical psychiatrist. In light of that and the fact that everyone was assuming that the personality changes were part of traumatic grief, he probably didn't know.
Still, I seem to have done okay. I can't stand glare and bright lights, and flashing lights make me feel strange, but it's not debilitating. Uh. Well, if I take precautions against getting sun I don't get debilitating migraines. Which is close enough.
When I initially read about Sam's brother being an Aspie, and him having a lot of the same traits, I briefly entertained thoughts that maybe I had something similar, but eventually dismissed it because of how I'm a successful adult. Then TV had to go and give me successful adults with Asperger's to show me how flawed my idea of the cognitive difference was.
Stupid TV! >:( I will blame it for all of my problems.
To be honest I always felt you at least had tendencies, and to me the main difference between "tendencies" and "on the spectrum" is how much of an impact it has on your life. I didn't want to say anything, though, because as I'm sure you can tell from what you've been feeling since you took the test, it's a big change in your perception of yourself, and I didn't feel it was right for me to push you in that direction.
Things like the toe-walking you mention in your comment to azuzil are typical of Aspies - in fact, everything you mentioned there is pretty much textbook. I know I've never met you face to face, but based on your LJ I'd say you're probably the highest-functioning other Aspie I've ever "met" - which is kind of comforting for me. Like you, I have worked really hard to reach the social level that I'm at.
Shortly before I was diagnosed, about halfway through college, my parents took me aside and told me that they thought I needed to work harder on my social interactions, because it was so vital to success in life and I was so very book smart that surely I could manage if I just tried a little. It was absolutely devastating, because I was already trying so hard, and not only was it not being acknowledged or rewarded, but I was coming up so short that they didn't even think I cared. So I want to say - honestly, and hopefully without sounding condescending or anything - that you're really doing a spectacular job; that you're a successful adult coping with a world that is not designed to cater to how your brain works; and now you have, not an excuse, but a reason for some of the problems you face that other people don't seem to, and a framework to make it easier for you to deal with them. You make me proud. Most of the diagnosed Aspies I know are willing to push their boundaries and try to interact more socially, but for almost all of them, it's small things like meeting one person for lunch once a week. You've dealt with all of this without even knowing it, and you've come farther than most of them ever will.
My reply to this will basically be so long that it's becoming it's own post.
Thank you for believing in me! I believe in you, too! I think we're doing a good job of living our lives in productive and fulfilling ways, and maybe other people can't see how we are rock stars and big damn heroes but the scale we measure our successes on is a lot different.
If you take the test, the results will tell you what the chart means. Or you can grab my long-form test results to read from here (http://www.sendspace.com/file/v2w9sn).
I answered using an average across my lifetime instead of answering for how I behave now. But realize that I was reeducated, mostly by Jenn, taught how to move like other people, taught how to read people/look for hidden motives/tell when I'm being lied to. I used to have a lot more problems than the people who only know me now would believe, and they're really hard to talk about. The way I used to walk around on my toes for days, randomly stalk people for fun, focus on just one thing and flip out when someone interrupted. I tell people I used to be a headcase, and because I've done a phenomenal job applying the things I was taught nobody believes me.
And sometimes it bothers me that I can't talk about it. Sometimes it bothers me that it would upset people if I started talking about it more, even though the language won't come until I make myself do it. I'm considering making a bunch of filters for the parts of my life that different sets of people can deal with, and that bothers me, too, on the grounds that it's easier to just not talk about things than to have to shelter and keep secrets from strategic people.
Having to not share with people is hard. I find mostly the people I hide things from lack perspective or background to understand, so I generally don't care. But ya hiding from your friends sucks. Please don't feel you need to hide from me. If you start to squick me out I will tell you :)
Okay, this interested me. All I ever knew about AS, I learned from TV...which means "people with AS spew obscenities and can't help it". Which I knew was probably not very accurate.
I never knew you dealt with this.
I tried the test.
Your Aspie score: 132 of 200 Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 71 of 200 You are very likely an Aspie Your MBTI type: ISTP
Interesting. I want to explore this.
(According to this comment, the world is all about me. Sorry. :( We can talk about not-me stuff now.)
We tend to relate better to those with common traits, so between us we probably know several people along the undiagnosable borderline. I'm putting you on the filter for this stuff, if that's okay.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
flamingsword) wrote2010-02-14 11:42 pm
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But I'd never had everything laid out for me along with my own tendencies like it is on the long form of the results. And it's sort of really accurate. As in, kinda creepy in places.
no subject
The other thing is that AS manifests very differently in males and females. Females with AS do tend to socialise; I subscribe to the theory that this is because societal pressure on females to conform to a certain type is stronger, and so girls are less likely to be allowed to remain aloof from social groups. There is also anecdotal evidence (including my own) that in some circumstances groups of neurotypical girls will "adopt" an AS girl and teach her how to behave in a more neurotypical fashion, which would not generally happen with boys.
I read Women From Another Planet (http://www.amazon.com/Women-Another-Planet-Universe-Autism/dp/1410734315) shortly after I was diagnosed and I kept crying as I read it because I felt like I wasn't inexplicably broken any more, and like I finally had a reason for all of the times when I did the wrong thing without meaning to. I'm not saying you are autistic spectrum, but I know a lot of people who have "tendencies" without actually crossing the point where it might warrant a diagnosis, and it's never any harm to understand a bit more about yourself.
no subject
If I had taken this back in junior high or high school and learned that I wasn't just inexplicably weird, I think I would have cried, too.
now I have questions for my old therapist who managed to miss this. Was he trying to prevent me from blaming my problems on a condition? Did he think I wouldn't invest in learning how to like people ... okay, yeah, that's totally fair. I think maybe I prefer having not known. In light of how the system works, a diagnosis would have gotten me put back in the special classes where I would have been bored out of my mind and continued finding illegal things to do to entertain myself. That would not have ended well.
no subject
I don't know whether your therapist did it on purpose or not, but do bear in mind that Aspergers was only recognised as a condition in 1994 (which is why so many people our age missed being diagnosed - I was 20 and I only got a diagnosis by luck) and unless he was a specialist in AS, he would be even less likely to recognize the female manifestation of the condition. It's diagnosed in three times as many males as females; there is probably a higher incidence in males, but it is likely also due to underdiagnosis.
Also, if he had managed to diagnose you, putting you in the special class would have been the worst thing he could have done (and I hope he would have known that). AS is a spectrum; yes, some people on there need to be in a special needs class, but plenty of us only need to have some leeway given in our behaviour. It's a developmental condition. It doesn't mean that there's anything you can't do, just that you take extra-long to figure out how to do it - how to interpret cues and so forth. Living in as close to "normal" an environment as possible, with a few trusted people to give you advice when you go wrong, is the best way for aspies to be, IMO. You're also likely to have some other related conditions, such as dyslexia or hyperlexia, echolalia, hypersensitivity...the wikipedia article used to be a lot better, but someone cut out a whole pile of stuff. Still, it's not a bad starting point. ♥
no subject
Still, I seem to have done okay. I can't stand glare and bright lights, and flashing lights make me feel strange, but it's not debilitating. Uh. Well, if I take precautions against getting sun I don't get debilitating migraines. Which is close enough.
When I initially read about Sam's brother being an Aspie, and him having a lot of the same traits, I briefly entertained thoughts that maybe I had something similar, but eventually dismissed it because of how I'm a successful adult. Then TV had to go and give me successful adults with Asperger's to show me how flawed my idea of the cognitive difference was.
Stupid TV! >:( I will blame it for all of my problems.
no subject
Things like the toe-walking you mention in your comment to
Shortly before I was diagnosed, about halfway through college, my parents took me aside and told me that they thought I needed to work harder on my social interactions, because it was so vital to success in life and I was so very book smart that surely I could manage if I just tried a little. It was absolutely devastating, because I was already trying so hard, and not only was it not being acknowledged or rewarded, but I was coming up so short that they didn't even think I cared. So I want to say - honestly, and hopefully without sounding condescending or anything - that you're really doing a spectacular job; that you're a successful adult coping with a world that is not designed to cater to how your brain works; and now you have, not an excuse, but a reason for some of the problems you face that other people don't seem to, and a framework to make it easier for you to deal with them. You make me proud. Most of the diagnosed Aspies I know are willing to push their boundaries and try to interact more socially, but for almost all of them, it's small things like meeting one person for lunch once a week. You've dealt with all of this without even knowing it, and you've come farther than most of them ever will.
no subject
Thank you for believing in me! I believe in you, too! I think we're doing a good job of living our lives in productive and fulfilling ways, and maybe other people can't see how we are rock stars and big damn heroes but the scale we measure our successes on is a lot different.
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I answered using an average across my lifetime instead of answering for how I behave now. But realize that I was reeducated, mostly by Jenn, taught how to move like other people, taught how to read people/look for hidden motives/tell when I'm being lied to. I used to have a lot more problems than the people who only know me now would believe, and they're really hard to talk about. The way I used to walk around on my toes for days, randomly stalk people for fun, focus on just one thing and flip out when someone interrupted. I tell people I used to be a headcase, and because I've done a phenomenal job applying the things I was taught nobody believes me.
And sometimes it bothers me that I can't talk about it. Sometimes it bothers me that it would upset people if I started talking about it more, even though the language won't come until I make myself do it. I'm considering making a bunch of filters for the parts of my life that different sets of people can deal with, and that bothers me, too, on the grounds that it's easier to just not talk about things than to have to shelter and keep secrets from strategic people.
Hugs
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I never knew you dealt with this.
I tried the test.
Your Aspie score: 132 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 71 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
Your MBTI type: ISTP
Interesting. I want to explore this.
(According to this comment, the world is all about me. Sorry. :( We can talk about not-me stuff now.)
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