flamingsword (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
flamingsword) wrote2025-07-05 07:55 pm
flamingsword) wrote2025-07-05 07:55 pm
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I just gave myself a headache by cracking my neck too hard, and then helped moderate a Virtual Accessible Pride event YouTube livestream for the first time. It was A Lot but I am still here. We only had one troll, too, so that part was cool.
The You Are Not So Smart Podcast did an episode a while back about cultures of genius vs cultures of growth that I listened to this week, and it is rearranging some stuff in my head in helpful ways, explaining why people do the frustrating thing where they compete to tear each other down because in a lot of cultures I was raised in, only the Single Most Correct person got any respect. And I was raised to do this, and managed to train myself out of it once I understood how nonsensical it was, but I didn't understand why it was that way or how we got there. So I will be having thinky thoughts.
Shadow work:
What aspects of myself do I hide from others? Do I still feel that is an appropriate response to how and when I learned this behaviour?
I hide anything that is "too autistic" from nt people in places like school and work. I do a lot of overthinking and erring on the side of caution in my communication with people, which makes words a lot harder. I do think some of the things I learned about being the r-slur are unhelpful now, in a time when I want to bring other people into more broad awareness that we all live amongst the weird, the disabled, and the imperfect. That we don't have to hide and feel alone, unless we want to do that for whatever reason. But that was a resolution I came to this year, and have not really changed a lot of my prior behaviours.
I also feel like I need to answer this question a few different ways at different times, so I'll be coming back to it. Possibly editing this post? IDK. Something.
The You Are Not So Smart Podcast did an episode a while back about cultures of genius vs cultures of growth that I listened to this week, and it is rearranging some stuff in my head in helpful ways, explaining why people do the frustrating thing where they compete to tear each other down because in a lot of cultures I was raised in, only the Single Most Correct person got any respect. And I was raised to do this, and managed to train myself out of it once I understood how nonsensical it was, but I didn't understand why it was that way or how we got there. So I will be having thinky thoughts.
Shadow work:
What aspects of myself do I hide from others? Do I still feel that is an appropriate response to how and when I learned this behaviour?
I hide anything that is "too autistic" from nt people in places like school and work. I do a lot of overthinking and erring on the side of caution in my communication with people, which makes words a lot harder. I do think some of the things I learned about being the r-slur are unhelpful now, in a time when I want to bring other people into more broad awareness that we all live amongst the weird, the disabled, and the imperfect. That we don't have to hide and feel alone, unless we want to do that for whatever reason. But that was a resolution I came to this year, and have not really changed a lot of my prior behaviours.
I also feel like I need to answer this question a few different ways at different times, so I'll be coming back to it. Possibly editing this post? IDK. Something.