I've never sat down or taken time to do a formal analysis of who the most important friends are, though in the past I have labeled certain people best friends. I think these two dynamics aren't the same thing. For example, S would make that list, because she's the one who's here, the one who gets me to medical appointments and helps me find dropped things or figure out something requiring sight. But I'm not that close with her, especially not close enough to discuss the things that are damaging our friendship. She knows me on a superficial level, though I think I know her deeper, thanks to her tendency to overshare.

More to the point, most important when, and for what? This kind of indexing reduces interpersonal relationships to metrics -- is Ernie a more important friend than Bert? That takes a lot of analysis and also requires an evaluation of the person doing the analysis to index the value of their own needs and wants. I can get the value of that work from a personal growth and self-knowledge angle, and I also get that who someone is closer to or finds more important is more about them than the friends and associates.

I would have an easier time of this than some others, because my friends cadre has dwindled. But I can say this -- there are people I consider friends who I know that if I sent out word that I needed help they'd come immediately, while others wouldn't, and from a tactical frame that's important to know