A bit of an oversimplification, because I see both the yarn and the work you did to make it a gift, but break it down -- you get yarn, you make something, you give it to someone, those are all individual steps or actions. Someone saying thanks, though nice, isn't required in the interaction. But saying to the recipient that they can't show their appreciation with something they encounter that they think you'd like is as you said troublesome, because then you're dealing with setting controls on gifts, and yes, that would make me feel uncomfortable. A better option would be for the giver to say that the other person didn't need to gift them anything, but in our culture that's considered odd because gifting is treated as a bi-directional transaction and assumptions of gratitude and reciprocity creep into things. This kind of stuff is why some of my friends don't participate in gift exchanges, because expectations (which of course decrease joy) get involved. Ex: I gave you a brand new laptop and you gave me one of those little green army men?" Charles Schultz created a great phrase to bounce off of in It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown with Charlie Browns repeated comment, "I got a rock." I heard that same phrase with a very different inflection to it, many many times, at earth-centered holiday gatherings, and the person saying the line was saying it with joy because they appreciated rocks/stones/gemstones/crystals/so on.
And yeah, stuff gets in the way. Going back to the duster (which is awesome by the way, and nice and warm, it'll be welcome on cool summer nights) I'm grateful for the gift and it's about you making something for me that I wanted, not so much about the garment itself, because though I like it a lot I like that you took the time and effort to make it for me a whole lot more. So, to sort of drive the point further home, I hold the same regard for the awesome duster as I hold for my turquoise miniskirt and the sun hat you gave me.
What sort of muddies this is motivation from someone for a gift. And I get that this is a key point with the yarn cakes -- Let's break it down again -- Person A buys fibers of some flavor, spins them into yarn, and gifts some of it to you. You say thank you and they say don't give me anything in return. If giving you the yarn is for the purpose of distributing stuff it's reasonable that Person A doesn't want to fill that vacated space with other stuff. And if Person A made the yarn because it was a way to deal with energy that needed to go somewhere and they don't want to be reminded of that need to do something with their hands that can factor into it -- looking at all of the yarn cakes piling up might be a reminder that their drive to stem is more than they can cope with. But telling you that you're not to give them anything for it isn't okay -- lets sort of reductio ad absurdum this: In an extreme case of this their stricture/command/request for you not to give them anything could go on and on and on, so that in the person's mind they could later associate something you gave them as a sort of repayment for the yarn. That's where the problem pops up, because they're dictating actions to you, potentially in perpetuity. So there's a question about motivation behind them saying they don't want anything in return -- are you supposed to track the oxygen released by nearby plants that were fed CO2 from your exhalations, because that O2 could be construed as a gift?
Re: Gifting
A bit of an oversimplification, because I see both the yarn and the work you did to make it a gift, but break it down -- you get yarn, you make something, you give it to someone, those are all individual steps or actions. Someone saying thanks, though nice, isn't required in the interaction. But saying to the recipient that they can't show their appreciation with something they encounter that they think you'd like is as you said troublesome, because then you're dealing with setting controls on gifts, and yes, that would make me feel uncomfortable. A better option would be for the giver to say that the other person didn't need to gift them anything, but in our culture that's considered odd because gifting is treated as a bi-directional transaction and assumptions of gratitude and reciprocity creep into things. This kind of stuff is why some of my friends don't participate in gift exchanges, because expectations (which of course decrease joy) get involved. Ex: I gave you a brand new laptop and you gave me one of those little green army men?" Charles Schultz created a great phrase to bounce off of in It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown with Charlie Browns repeated comment, "I got a rock." I heard that same phrase with a very different inflection to it, many many times, at earth-centered holiday gatherings, and the person saying the line was saying it with joy because they appreciated rocks/stones/gemstones/crystals/so on.
And yeah, stuff gets in the way. Going back to the duster (which is awesome by the way, and nice and warm, it'll be welcome on cool summer nights) I'm grateful for the gift and it's about you making something for me that I wanted, not so much about the garment itself, because though I like it a lot I like that you took the time and effort to make it for me a whole lot more. So, to sort of drive the point further home, I hold the same regard for the awesome duster as I hold for my turquoise miniskirt and the sun hat you gave me.
What sort of muddies this is motivation from someone for a gift. And I get that this is a key point with the yarn cakes -- Let's break it down again -- Person A buys fibers of some flavor, spins them into yarn, and gifts some of it to you. You say thank you and they say don't give me anything in return. If giving you the yarn is for the purpose of distributing stuff it's reasonable that Person A doesn't want to fill that vacated space with other stuff. And if Person A made the yarn because it was a way to deal with energy that needed to go somewhere and they don't want to be reminded of that need to do something with their hands that can factor into it -- looking at all of the yarn cakes piling up might be a reminder that their drive to stem is more than they can cope with. But telling you that you're not to give them anything for it isn't okay -- lets sort of reductio ad absurdum this: In an extreme case of this their stricture/command/request for you not to give them anything could go on and on and on, so that in the person's mind they could later associate something you gave them as a sort of repayment for the yarn. That's where the problem pops up, because they're dictating actions to you, potentially in perpetuity. So there's a question about motivation behind them saying they don't want anything in return -- are you supposed to track the oxygen released by nearby plants that were fed CO2 from your exhalations, because that O2 could be construed as a gift?
It turns into a mess in short order.