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flamingswordThis week is like being 14.
Migraine out of fucking nowhere? Wait- that's not true. I totally should have been expecting this. If gluten can be a hidden migraine trigger, and as much as I was looking forward to never having another migraine now that I'd gone gluten-free, in hindsight it makes perfect sense that gluten exposure would have migraine as a sequela. My bad. Somewhere I had the note to myself to never leave the house without medicine for migraines should one occur, but my vigilance this week is dependent on the amount of concentration I can muster, which is not much. I'll put up reminder post-its on the door after I post this entry.
Thanks to my badass headache-fu, I recognized the swirly visual distortions while driving, and took immediate steps to delay and diminish the severity of the headache. I will be making a few separate posts today, including the migraine survival guide. At least I'm collected enough to remember how to turn down the brightness all the way down on the laptop, and I have blacked-out post-its covering the LED-lit power and wireless buttons. Laptop ninja.
I locked my keys in my car last night. Because I am so fucking awesome this week.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wizardpen and aingeal1 drove out to Panoptikon to open the car for me and exchange car keys so that I can never again mistake his black car key for my black car key and detach it from my massive keyring by mistake. And next weekend Blue and I should be able to go get another car key made for him to hold onto since he always seems to be there when I do the dumb stuff. I'd hate to deprive my bestie of his laughing at me privileges, he'd be so sad. But then he'd be able to fix it, too, and it would make him feel all special.
At some point I stopped making eye contact. Carol, co-worker of awesome, pointed out to me that bit of revelatory wisdom. This explains why tips have been diminishing from new clients with whom I do not already have rapport built. My regulars have not been affected yet.
I am out of sorts and not social. A lot of my social skills were developed after I made the not-analyzing-outside-perspective change to my personality. It's like I've been running Windows 98 for the last decade and downloading all the software patches and programs and macros for that, and now I have suddenly dropped back to Windows 95, where a lot of the software patches and programs don't work. My code is all borked and it's driving me nuts trying to run down all the changes that need to get made. List begins: being late or having to scramble to be on time because I'm too caught up in something to pay attention to my time sense; the eye-contact and rapport-building software is down. That needs to be fixed pre-Flipside if I'm going to work in the Sanctuary as planned.
I have mood swings. My girl-hormones are starting to regulate themselves into something like statistical normality. For once I'm having a somewhat functional sex drive, which means that I am experiences like being horny and having crying fits for pretty much no reason. That resolution to feel my feelings is not looking so hot at the moment, but at least it's taking me back to some stuff I had forgotten. Cue-dependent memory is so much harder to access when the cues like sullenness, confusion, and hormonal misery are something you avoid. But by accident or by subconscious design I'm here again, so I have a lot of rooting around to do in this basement of my psyche while I still have access.
I have a lot more sympathy for teenagers than I did last week, now that I remember what this felt like. Did you know that I used to have headaches two or three times a week? That I had a migraine about once a week for the last six months of junior high? I had forgotten about that. That I was socially entirely helpless in junior high, and had to rely on other crazy people to interact for me: also had forgotten that part. Also had forgotten how I only used to eat twice a day because my stomach would get upset sometimes when I was nervous, which was pretty much any time I was around unfamiliar people, i.e. school in its entirety.
Now I'm gonna go change out the ice in the pack on my neck.
Migraine out of fucking nowhere? Wait- that's not true. I totally should have been expecting this. If gluten can be a hidden migraine trigger, and as much as I was looking forward to never having another migraine now that I'd gone gluten-free, in hindsight it makes perfect sense that gluten exposure would have migraine as a sequela. My bad. Somewhere I had the note to myself to never leave the house without medicine for migraines should one occur, but my vigilance this week is dependent on the amount of concentration I can muster, which is not much. I'll put up reminder post-its on the door after I post this entry.
Thanks to my badass headache-fu, I recognized the swirly visual distortions while driving, and took immediate steps to delay and diminish the severity of the headache. I will be making a few separate posts today, including the migraine survival guide. At least I'm collected enough to remember how to turn down the brightness all the way down on the laptop, and I have blacked-out post-its covering the LED-lit power and wireless buttons. Laptop ninja.
I locked my keys in my car last night. Because I am so fucking awesome this week.
wizardpen and aingeal1 drove out to Panoptikon to open the car for me and exchange car keys so that I can never again mistake his black car key for my black car key and detach it from my massive keyring by mistake. And next weekend Blue and I should be able to go get another car key made for him to hold onto since he always seems to be there when I do the dumb stuff. I'd hate to deprive my bestie of his laughing at me privileges, he'd be so sad. But then he'd be able to fix it, too, and it would make him feel all special. At some point I stopped making eye contact. Carol, co-worker of awesome, pointed out to me that bit of revelatory wisdom. This explains why tips have been diminishing from new clients with whom I do not already have rapport built. My regulars have not been affected yet.
I am out of sorts and not social. A lot of my social skills were developed after I made the not-analyzing-outside-perspective change to my personality. It's like I've been running Windows 98 for the last decade and downloading all the software patches and programs and macros for that, and now I have suddenly dropped back to Windows 95, where a lot of the software patches and programs don't work. My code is all borked and it's driving me nuts trying to run down all the changes that need to get made. List begins: being late or having to scramble to be on time because I'm too caught up in something to pay attention to my time sense; the eye-contact and rapport-building software is down. That needs to be fixed pre-Flipside if I'm going to work in the Sanctuary as planned.
I have mood swings. My girl-hormones are starting to regulate themselves into something like statistical normality. For once I'm having a somewhat functional sex drive, which means that I am experiences like being horny and having crying fits for pretty much no reason. That resolution to feel my feelings is not looking so hot at the moment, but at least it's taking me back to some stuff I had forgotten. Cue-dependent memory is so much harder to access when the cues like sullenness, confusion, and hormonal misery are something you avoid. But by accident or by subconscious design I'm here again, so I have a lot of rooting around to do in this basement of my psyche while I still have access.
I have a lot more sympathy for teenagers than I did last week, now that I remember what this felt like. Did you know that I used to have headaches two or three times a week? That I had a migraine about once a week for the last six months of junior high? I had forgotten about that. That I was socially entirely helpless in junior high, and had to rely on other crazy people to interact for me: also had forgotten that part. Also had forgotten how I only used to eat twice a day because my stomach would get upset sometimes when I was nervous, which was pretty much any time I was around unfamiliar people, i.e. school in its entirety.
Now I'm gonna go change out the ice in the pack on my neck.
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no subject
Date: 2010-05-15 10:58 pm (UTC)*hugs*
Date: 2010-05-15 11:22 pm (UTC)I can make the repairs with being lonely and desperate, because I have so much love, am so loved, have knowledge and experience, have the friends that sharing those things have won me.
No cuddles are turned aside, but strangely no sympathy is needed. On some emotionally masochistic level, I was looking forward to pain and the challenge. It may just be the jittery-shaky amounts of caffeine and the weird headachey headspace, but I feel more alive right now than I have in the last year. I'm also glad I can share this part of myself now, can verbalize the Nicaragua/Uganda/Haiti of my internal world, and show how I'm building a better world in here.
It'll be okay, Lu. *again-hugs*
Re: *hugs*
Date: 2010-05-16 12:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-16 03:40 am (UTC)Crying fits... our time of month is coming up next week. Maybe that's partially due to that? Today I have hit some strange ultra-tired, depressed-for-no-reason zone and attribute it to that.
Douglas is killing me with packing tonight. Can't process many thoughts.
*hugs and loves*
no subject
Date: 2010-05-17 03:54 am (UTC)I don't usually get hormonal/emotional like this except the couple of days right before my period and then getting aggressive during it.
Speaking of aggressive: take breaks. Demand he take them as well. He won't, but if you try to get him to then he'll realize that he should be tired and it keeps his sense of other people's limitations closer to reality. We are not machines!
no subject
Date: 2010-05-17 01:02 pm (UTC)I had to stop yesterday after an asthma attack and an unexplained bloody nose. Add my hormonal angst to that and I was pretty miserable. I am not doing any packing tonight since I'm still coughing up crap.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-16 03:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-17 04:58 pm (UTC)I'll see you Thursday, then?
no subject
Date: 2010-05-17 09:22 pm (UTC)