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flamingsword: Aziraphale, the flaming sword, and Crowley (occupy sesame street)
: or what the original Libertarian Tea Party movement has in common with Occupy Wall Street. Their goals were to:

  • Decrease the role of the Federal Reserve with an eye toward phasing it out.
  • Stop expensive foreign wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
  • Federal spending and deficits are mismanaged/too high for what we're getting.
  • American taxation is unequal to its representation.
  • Interference in due legislative process by lobbies and business interests needs to be regulated and transparent.

    Leaving aside the racial and religious messages that got brought in after the movements' cross-pollination with other right wing fundamentalist ideals present in its older, whiter, more predominantly Christian demographic, the financial complaints are very similar.

    You're about to see a lot of courting of the Occupy movement by Republicans and Democrats and if we're smart we 99%ers won't come in under anyone's banner. And our own movement is going to start courting the Libertarians and the fiscal Tea Partyers. The Civil Rights movement was non-partisan because both sides were equally wrong, equally based out of the same uneven playing field. The same situation applies now.

    Once leaders start to emerge from within the ranks, the media will find reasons to discredit them to tell everybody that we shouldn't listen. They will try to interview familiar faces who joined up later who don't really speak for the movement, and we will have to find a way to repudiate them despite the media blackout. There are strange trials coming up, and situations we never foresaw ourselves in.

    Prepare for weird.
  • flamingsword: Aziraphale, the flaming sword, and Crowley (Sunshower)
    “We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.” --Anais Nin

    “If you don't love yourself, you cannot love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you are not capable of developing compassion for others.” -- Dalai Lama


    If I look at you and only see the parts of you that reflect myself back at me then I am not seeing you, I am seeing a distorted, incomplete version of myself. If the first things I notice about you are differences I don't understand then I may be tempted to Other you and deny any connection. So even if I'm paying attention to you, the attention that I'm paying is still self-centered, warped by that filter on my perception. )
    flamingsword: Aziraphale, the flaming sword, and Crowley (Default)
    So Ghost and I don't argue. I mean - we may debate the ethicality of vampire genocide in the True Blood universe and other geekery, but we don't have relationship arguments. We have yet to have a problem more pressing than which configuration of locked or unlocked means that the dishes in the dishwasher are clean. I don't . . . this NEVER HAPPENS. I realize that there is some BS about not looking gift horses in the mouth, but I am looking into this equine grin and it seems to have a platinum grill.

    I DON'T GET IT.

    I look back to previous relationships and they were not like this and I have no context and so don't even know where to start identifying whether this is even a problem. HELP!!!
    flamingsword: Aziraphale, the flaming sword, and Crowley (Default)
    I've been thinking lately of pathology- how we define illness, how we regard the illness as a character defect and so regard the ill as though they are less worthy. Our attitudes to disability and anything to which the words "not trying hard enough" are applied carry over from that definition of pathology and are very suspect.

    No, this doesn't have anything to do with the relationships thing (I think?), but it's been on my mind lately and it comes from analyzing relationships. Ever since I realized that Ghost's childlike openness has to have a really early cause, I realized what it is about how he reacts to his parents that is so radically different from everyone else I know: they don't think anything is wrong with each other. They don't treat each other like approval is something that is won or withheld until something is changed for not being good enough, they just deal honestly with talents and handicaps and there is no blame or the internalizing of blame which becomes shame.


    I've never seen anything like it before, and that is unutterably sad.
    flamingsword: Aziraphale, the flaming sword, and Crowley (Dr. Reid)
    It wasn't the first energy trade that Doug and I did (I looked it up- the timing's wrong) but maybe it was one of the secondary ones when we were doing reiki training. Trading large chunks of energy with other people can cause odd behavior pattern shifts, out-of-character thoughts and feelings, as you experience some of that person's pattern. Doug and I used to do that to understand each other better.

    I was having a frustrating and difficult day at work. I walked into the break room between clients, and Yvonne was there counting out her tip money to log it before she left. She had a lot more in tips than I had been making that day and I felt this odd sensation of anger and something I'm not familiar with. It felt a little like helplessness and the kind of wanting that makes your chest ache and a lot like I was going to be sick. I think it was jealousy. From how it's been described, it sounds a lot like it. And I was in a defensive, insecure place professionally where someone who had better social skills but worse therapeutic skills was doing better than I was, so the situation was right for it to be jealousy. I'm not sure what else it could be, so I'm just going to label it jealousy even though it's a singular experience with no referent. It really sucked.

    I am glad I am not fully human. From an emotional standpoint, I have a lot less invested in the feelings I do have and I have fewer emotions than you do in most situations. Unless I am actively engaged in liking or objecting to something, I probably have no emotional reaction to it. In contrast to what I perceive your existence to be like, it is very easy for me to be logical under circumstances where other people think that logic does not apply. If that was jealousy and most of you experience that on any kind of regular basis, then I understand a lot more of the completely irrational things people do to stop feeling that way. I have empathy for it now, or sympathy, or something like one of those where I have the memory of a feeling I can't even explain. I have made bad decisions when I was in pain before, and that would be a difficult pain to get used to.
    flamingsword: Aziraphale, the flaming sword, and Crowley (Default)
    There's a blog I get linked to regularly through my GoogleReader feed on logically taking apart sex-shame and other bullshit, GretaChristina. A while back she took apart the attitudes that she and our culture have to food, fat, shame, exercise, health, the bias towards attractiveness, and the peculiar way in which shame leads us to deliberately undermine our health to prove how much we "don't care". The hyperlinks she presents all lead to science blogs with hard evidence because she, unlike me, is a non-hyperbole sort of person. I think anyone wanting to lose weight should take a similar examination of themselves to accurately gauge what the difficulties are and share in a sense of community with the work through the tips and tricks of others who have been on this path to rational eating and exercise habits.

    I cannot recommend anything more highly for this subject. Part 1, Part 2, & Part 3.
    flamingsword: None can take the stars who do not reach. (Take The Stars)
    This post is about fighting fair, the uses of trust, how to act in good faith, how your shame hurts others' feelings, apologies and forgiveness, asking for what you want, the subtle insult of manipulation, and the balance of power between two people. It's got a lot to say, and it goes on a bit. And since some of you are pulling stupid human tricks in your relationships, I'm not cut-tagging it, and I have disabled comments.

    When the relationship is more important than what you get out of it, you agree on rules and then abide by them because that is the foundation of the relationship. Anything less implies that you do not respect your partner's ability to act in good faith or a lack of empathy for their betrayed feelings. Fighting fair implies that while you disagree on something, the disagreement is less important than the relationship that it arises from, and prioritizes your connection over your moments of disconnect.

    When you ask for what you need it implies that you trust in your partner's willingness to fulfill your needs as best they can. When you don't trust your partner then you don't ask, and you use indirect tactics to get your needs met through trickery. Eventually that message of distrust is received, and hurts the feelings of the distrusted party. This person is forced to constantly chase after you, trying to read your mind to fulfill your unspoken needs to avoid feeling manipulated, distrusted, and misunderstood. That is not fighting fair, and it does not work very well. Eventually most people will also retaliate, matching your aloofness so that you are forced to pay the same attention to them so that the balance of power is restored. Then you both alternately ignore and pursue one another, and the underlying weakness from the lack of mutual support means that when external stresses are applied then your relationship falters and breaks up when it would have lasted in a more trusting environment.

    When you catch yourself doing something hurtful, even if you did not intend such, apologize. To do otherwise implies that it is acceptable to you to risk your partner's feelings. Seek to make amends until the hurt feelings are soothed. Find ways to avoid problems that have recurred. Negotiate boundaries and context differences with caution and respect. Carelessness and lack of consideration imply that you are not planning for your relationship to last. When your lover is sorry and makes the effort to heal the divide between you, let go of your bad feelings and express your forgiveness. To do otherwise implies that you are interested in what you can gain from your lover's guilt and bad feelings. That is establishing trust.

    If you love someone, take care of them. Speak their needs to them aloud, as best you understand, so that they can get used to engaging in dialog, giving voice the unspoken parts of themselves. Do not make it unsafe for them to want things by using what you know in order to hold an advantage over them. Do not test how much you can get away with to see how far such privilege goes; life will give you many tests of the bounds and strength of your relationship with no help from you. Do not judge yourself a failure at the first sign that you cannot meet all of someone's current needs. Trust that if you are loved your partner will give you back the care you have given. That is acting in good faith.

    We learn hatred by hating ourselves. Eventually, that shame and negativity is externalized and projected onto those around us, even the people we love. Pushing people away comes in many forms, and two of them are reciprocal: hurting someone's feelings and withholding forgiveness when your feelings are hurt. Both keep your partner at an emotional distance that feels safer than the thought of letting go of your self-hatred and the fear that surrounds all shame. It's a coping strategy to buy time, but when time runs out you have to pick which has primacy: your relationship or your desire to not challenge your insecurities. When we prioritize hatred above love it is a tragedy, each time and always.

    Love is NOT all you need, no matter what songs or storybooks tell you. Please invest yourself in trusting others, in forgiving yourself and them for the weaknesses that we all have, and build your relationships to last.

    I love and trust you all. Please stop hurting each other.
    flamingsword: Aziraphale, the flaming sword, and Crowley (Default)
    While I have issues (and tend to talk about them, often at length), I know that you have issues, too. Just because I don't point them out and say, "ooh, where did you get that shiny warped perspective?! you are so beautifully broken!!" does not mean that I don't see you. I see you; I see us.

    If you wonder why I consider you family when we have never met and have no visible thing in common, this is why. )

    Thank you.
    flamingsword: Aziraphale, the flaming sword, and Crowley (Default)
    Just woke from a dream where I had apahsia, and could not talk. I could sing, hum, and whistle, but as soon as I tried to listen to words or say them, nothing would work. Maybe 'nightmare' is a better descriptor. At least my headache is gone!

    So, since I'm having some scaring-myself headspace, I thought I'd entertain you all with more stories of the crazy I used to be, and maybe finish up today's post with some new crazy I'm trying on.

    Crazy I Used To Be )

    In other news I'm trying to back off of the internet usage the way I currently use it and change it up. To what, I'm not sure. But I spent so much time reading this spring, and I think I'm going to get a second job this fall. I'll be living 100 yards from a Starbucks. The logical way to keep from bankrupting myself is to be working there. Thoughts?

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