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flamingsword: Aziraphale, the flaming sword, and Crowley (Default)
It's developed a plot.
... help!


You love Natasha being awesome, I love Natasha being awesome. So why not make this character-focused story about Cap being suddenly female turn into a MASSIVE MISSIVE about Natasha being a spy? Yeah.

Because who doesn't love competence porn? I just have to write ... a lot. And quit quietly freaking out about it.
flamingsword: Black Widow appears in a telephoto lens sight. (Black Widow)
So the outline is now six pages long, and only the first chapter of the outline is really fleshed out into scenes. I'm starting to get the OMGWTFBBQ feeling of having bitten off ridiculously more than I can chew, but I'm not gonna quit just because it's going to take a longer time than I had thought it was going to. But I am now looking for this thing to be done by maybe September rather than having previously thought it would be done by the end of June. And it will be multiple chapters. Should I post it chapter by chapter? Should I just post the whole thing in one go when it's done and edited? Protocol?

What do?

Also, there's no way to work Pepper into having a major role in this fic, and I'm kinda having withdrawals. No Pepper/Natasha this time. The sex, of which there will be some (ill-advised though it may be), is going to be a strange amalgam of queer and het, and I'm not sure how to tag for it? Demi-boy character in female body has sex with cisman? Is it possible for genderqueer people to be straight? What does straight even mean? So many questions I need to research on the nature of gender and sexuality. And I'm probably going to have to ask tumblr and piss off a bunch of trans activists and get yelled at, which will be a barrel of laughs. APPRECIATE MY SACRIFICES, FANDOM.
flamingsword: Aziraphale, the flaming sword, and Crowley (Default)
The Dating Rituals of Superheroes (The Role Reversal Remix) by igrockspock
In hindsight, when Maria asked Sam out, she shouldn’t have brought flowers or aimed for the traditional dinner invitation. After her first attempt failed, she shouldn’t have enlisted Natasha as a matchmaker.



How to use cognitive behavioral therapy to change a negative belief to a positive one. Includes journalling evidence and progress.


flamingsword: Black Widow appears in a telephoto lens sight. (Black Widow)
In the life of Natasha Romanoff, master spy, this is a busy week for emotional revelations.

flamingsword: Aziraphale, the flaming sword, and Crowley (Default)
If you want to read my fic and hate spoilers, then skip this. But if you enjoy laughing at my pain (let's be honest, my pain is funny even to me) then feel free to witness my confusion below.

Basic fic premise: just after the fall of SHIELD, Natasha finds out about Yelena Belova's reconstructive surgery to look like her in order to infiltrate SHIELD's networks. Hard on the heels of this (only very slightly unsettling) news, Pepper reveals that she's been lying by omission about having superpowers the four months they've been dating. Pepper reveals this because Natasha is pretending to be emotionally stable despite her currently less than stellar emotional state (SHIELD/Yelena/her emotional confidantes being out of the country or unavailable).

So: if I let Pepper keep Extremis (and Extremis!Pepper is one of my favorite things, solid gold kink) then I'm not sure how to work that ideologically into the story from Pepper's point of view and keep my underlying theme of vulnerability and the need for trust. Maybe I can contrast her physical invulnerability with her higher emotional vulnerability after she killed Killian? Maybe Pepper feels outclassed being a glorified personal assistant dating OMG The World's Most Dangerous Spy? What would a normal person do here? Insert answer in comments. *points at comment button*

Most of the fic is written from Natasha's headspace because I had a complicated childhood (heh) and I'm better at writing her than Pepper. But there are a couple scenes that either have to be in Pepper's perspective or omniscient third person from nobody's perspective because they have to be a surprise to Natasha later. The problem with that being: I know how to make Natasha vulnerable, but Pepper is a normal, neurotypical person, and my powers of imagination are failing to bring me enough of what that's like to model the people in the situation. And if I can't model Pepper having the feels then I can't model a Natasha responding to her and I'm kinda stuck.

Do I make Pepper really anxious about revealing her secret and invent a reason for her fear? I could do that. That would increase her feelings of vulnerability and is a thing that normal people do, I am reasonably sure. Like 75%. I've read books where it happens? Or do I make her find out about Natasha's secret freaking out and have them fight about keeping secrets and write her vulnerability as the fear of losing relationships because of lack of trust? It would be difficult to write them fighting, but I could do it, and I have not seen any examples of two emotionally astute adults having an argument in any fandom, so maybe that needs to be written.

There needs to be a fic primer on How To Argue Like An Adult, and I could write that. Or you could write that. We could all write that! There needs to be a challenge where people write grown-up relationship problems. Kinda like Take Your Fandom To Work day, but with relationship troubles. I should poke a BNF and see if it gets traction.
flamingsword: Black Widow appears in a telephoto lens sight. (Black Widow)
So I have officially started writing the second part to the BlackPepper fic. It should be done by . . . July? August, maybe. My writing and editing process is slow, because I can't just write a whole thing and then throw chunks away in editing. I have to write a bit, then think a bit, then edit, and then write again. It's slow, but it's my process, and I'm weirdly invested in it? I don't want to have to throw large bits of things away? So I keep everything as pared down as I can the whole way along, and at the end it manages to maybe not be a sprawling mess. Maybe I should learn to throw things away but that requires being even less emotionally invested in things and if I were less emotionally invested in life, I'd be dead.

I am going to go find old DVD Commentaries on stories. Remember when we used to do those, fandom? And I'm going to see if I can steal writing tips from old fics I used to like. I think [personal profile] copperbadge has some commentaries, somewhere, possibly on his old schnoogle account, if such a thing still exists. I realize I am seriously dating myself, here.

Do you have a favorite DVD Commentary or favorite piece of writing advice? Link me the good stuff, please!
flamingsword: Aziraphale, the flaming sword, and Crowley (Default)
I bought Iron Man 1-3 on BluRay and will start rewatching them this weekend to jump back into writing the second installment of my BlackPepper polyamory fic. Or I may go back and edit the last one to have slightly more porn. I missed an opportunity there. :3

I want to widen the cast I'm using to include a few more people from CA:WS, possibly just make this a brazen display of estrogenic mightiness and go full on Women Being Awesome. Drinking night with Hill and Agent 13? It's been done so often, though. How about Carter taking the girls to her tailor for concealed carry suit alterations? A good tailor is a valuable asset, and in DC, one who can make a gun disappear in a women's blazer would be invaluable.
flamingsword: Aziraphale, the flaming sword, and Crowley (Awesome)
Your job is now your Time Lord name. The last digit of your phone number is the current regeneration you are in. The nearest clothing item to your right is now the most notable item in your current wardrobe. The last person you texted is your current companion. Your favorite word is now your catchphrase.

I am the Therapist; the 3rd me wanders about fixing tragedies in a red plaid dressing gown. My companion is [livejournal.com profile] elucreh who asks me what things are, and part of my reply always includes the words "made of awesome".

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